forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize