the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
