I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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