you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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