guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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