I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
