can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
