after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
