An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dicks are not precious.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
