You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
