careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
