i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
