i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
