I want to walk on stilts...naked
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
