"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
