My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
