Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
