why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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