Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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