from now on my penis is your penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
