I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
