I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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