I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
