The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
