It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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