i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you never un-have a 4some
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
