i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
