so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
