Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
