It was confusing and full of hummus
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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