His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
