i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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