Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
