I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
