HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize