I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
