you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
