you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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