I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
did i walk over a car last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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