After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
