Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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