Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
