you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
