so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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