Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
