I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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