you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
