11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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