my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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