yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
