Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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