that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My ATM looks so different sober.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't notice because vodka
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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