You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
