dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
