you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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