Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
