I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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