My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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