I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
