You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
