Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
