So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize