my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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