We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
