STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
