You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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